“Purified Soul”
Sitting quiet, coffee in hand, the wind forcefully collides with the window,
Oh, sweet twang, a gentle melody in one ear, out the other,
Useless decor adorning patched walls, tales in every nook,
Life's lessons, with smiles and tears, propel me forward.
Praying to prioritize you beyond these four walls,
Ultimately, to dwell in your word, fellowship, and worship,
Rambling until the yearnings and reflections find their peace,
Inward restless no more, I remember the one who breathed life into me,
Found in your grace, my soul is renewed and cleansed,
In this space, my spirit soars and doubts abolished,
Embracing your presence, anxiety and fear soothed,
Delighting in your love, my heart is forever blessed,
Yearning for guidance in your light, I am truly refreshed.
Within an empty cup, the wind's calm.
It finds,
Is in reflections whispered softly,
Finished, in still minds.
Tetelestai
Hi readers, I have decided to share another poem written for my poetry class from this week. This particular piece was much easier to write because I have been having difficulty sitting through lectures and reading the material provided. Most know that I go to a Public University. I decided to transfer in my sophomore year because I was tired of pretending to attend a “Christian” University that didn’t uphold Biblical values and standards.
Don’t get me wrong, I too, was not upholding the Biblical standard and I got sucked right in. I explained to my parents and friends that I would rather attend a place that didn’t claim to be Christian, in fact I was so certain that I would do better knowing that these people actually didn’t like Christians. And boy I couldn’t be more wrong.
Although I have loved living in the mountains of Asheville for a year and living the big city life in Charlotte for two years, I have realized how much I crave to live the boring, mundane life. At least, that’s the life most women my age would not choose. There have been many good things that I have gotten to experience over the last four years of my college career and many things I’d like to forget.
I won’t go into much detail as this is a place where you’ll get to know me over time. And who liked spoilers anyway? Before I explain my poem, I will tell you guys that I have decided that it would be more beneficial not only for my college career but also for my mental health, friendships, and even my relationships to transfer to an online University. This allows me to save money since I’ll be going home, working on my writing career, and hopefully saving the last bit of hope I have for humanity and my generation. I will not be graduating “on time,” which is fine by me. I am in no rush to an end goal. My only goal in life is to honor Christ.
This poem began in my very organized but filled-up room. It is not organized chaos because it’s a tidy room with many of my most precious belongings. I was at my desk, sipping my coffee, just staring at a blank document as the cursor kept blinking, on, off, on, off… And then, I started to think about the few conversations I had with my parents and then my significant other about the future. It made me sad because I was not sure, and we live in a day and age where it is crucial to know what tomorrow looks like for you. Do not get me wrong, planning is a great thing. But what if you don’t know?
The wind kept disrupting my thoughts that night because it was so incredibly strong that it sounded like it would bust my window open. The music in the background adds an auditory layer because it was a soothing backdrop rather than a focal point in my night. I looked around my room and noticed my detailed decor filled the space, possibly creating a sense of comfort and security for myself. The mention of "patched walls" hints at imperfections, but these have been incorporated into the overall atmosphere.
Like everyone else, my life has been full of ups and downs. Life has given me joy and sadness, and I have grown tremendously. Recently, I have just been in a season of unknown. Many who know me already know I dislike being in the unknown. It scares me! I began to weep and turned to the only thing I knew I could do: pray. I prayed, nothing crazy or long; I was very clear about my anxiety and fear, and suddenly, peace came over me. A book that Elisabeth Elliot wrote came to mind. What I did after was pull out this book and read, I was just in awe.
She made it sound so easy… But in reality, she had gone through more trials and losses than I ever will in a lifetime. She made me realize how truly blessed I am. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and a really great support system who lives two hours away and a loving significant other. What Elisabeth Elliot shared was:
“Things to do in suffering:
1. Recognize it.
2. Accept it.
3. Offer it to God as a sacrifice.
4. Offer yourself with it.”
(Suffering is Never for Nothing)
So, with this advice, I plan to make sure that in this season of the unknown, where I have grieved and mourned, I pray that I don’t become angry or bitter. I don’t wish to be in this particular season, but this is where I am, I can either be miserable, or I can recognize it and accept it, and with that, I recognize this as a gift and that my life is not my own. It is a fact that my life is in his hands! I offer up what God has gifted to me and offer up myself with those gifts. What a beautiful and majestic way to think and live!
I will not diminish the hardships that I have gone through but how heartbreaking and embarrassing it is that there is a terrible war going on in the Middle East, and the thing that breaks me mentally and physically is the “woah is me” conversations, the sex/gender conversations, the corrupt government conversations. Are we that blind? Are we as a nation suffering so much that these kids in my classes must be on the defense for their “life?” Want to know the answer?
NO! I was sick of paying thousands of dollars to sit in a nice A/C filled building, listening to kids cry and moan about how terrible, unfair, and unjust America is. Don’t get me wrong, America is not perfect, and we have a lot of active work to do, to make sure we as a Nation stand and protect our people and the innocent ones around us. But we are not undergoing a physical war, where every second a neighbor, friend or loved one’s life is being taken!
Reader, make sure you’re not living your life in vain. As a Christian, I have a purpose: to honor God in any way I can. If that means waking up, making my bed, getting in his word and praising him, fueling my body well, and being kind to others throughout my day… Then so be it!
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”
Reader, if you are currently struggling and suffering, it is okay to grieve and mourn! I encourage you to write and pray about what Elisabeth Elliot wrote. I promise you that going directly to Jesus will be more beneficial than anything else.
“ 1. Recognize it. 2. Accept it. 3. Offer it to God as a sacrifice. 4. Offer yourself with it.” (Suffering is Never for Nothing)
Till next time!
