“✉ of apology”
From: Caitlin Stevens
Contact: (910) XXX-XXXX
To: Family and Friends in Charlotte
Subject: I Packed My Bags, and I’m Headed to Pinehurst
Dearest Friends,
I want to extend my heartfelt apologies to the wonderful individuals who have generously dedicated their time to be part of my life here in Charlotte. To those with whom I haven't had the opportunity to share a cup of coffee and discuss the reasons for my sudden absence, I'm truly sorry. I would also like to apologize to those I haven't been able to engage with as much as I would have liked, including the families, children, and friends in my community, particularly at my church.
Before I explain the circumstances behind my departure from Charlotte, I want to express my deep gratitude and offer personal thanks to some of the people who have played a significant role in shaping my experiences and nurturing my personal growth. The Great Promise might have never been revealed if it weren’t for your chisel to my stone heart!
Gratitude:
First and foremost, I want to express my gratitude to my Pastor and his wife. They have been unwavering in their commitment to our congregation, ensuring that we receive sound teachings from the pulpit. Their family serves as a living embodiment of the scriptures, setting an inspiring example for all of us.
I must also acknowledge my mentor, who graciously took me under her wing. Her guidance and support have opened my eyes to the beauty of witnessing a child's growth and development firsthand. The kindness and love she showed me will forever remain in my heart. Through her, I've learned valuable lessons about the power of observation, imagination, thinking outside the box, dreaming big, forgiveness, and staying active.
Some of the most important lessons I've learned from you include:
"Following Jesus Changes Everything."
"Jesus is all that I need through the twists and turns of life."
"Being a disciple of Jesus doesn't come naturally."
"Serving is way more joyful and fulfilling than being served."
Due to our human nature, we tend to be inherently selfish. However, I am almost convinced that your body has no selfish bone.
To my dear friend with the long, blonde hair and her sweet little one, you will be greatly missed. Your kindness, love, and gentle demeanor have provided immense comfort and friendship. Every life should have someone like you in it. I'm saddened that I won't be here to witness Baby E’s growth, but I know she is fortunate to have an incredible support system and parents who love Jesus. She may not have inherited your nose, eye color, or complexion, but I am certain that she will embody your wisdom, grace, and love.
The families who have let me watch, teach, and love their children, To the friends who have sat and eaten many meals and indulged in a great convo, and those who never forget to say hello, give me a hug or ask how I am doing, you’ll be missed.
To the wise woman who consistently weaves captivating stories that leave me in awe, you are nothing short of a saint. During a time when I felt defeated and lost from the relentless beatings of the world, I turned to you for solace. Your advice wasn't just a guiding light; you sat with me, speaking in a soft, comforting tone that eased my troubled mind. You generously provided me with not only wisdom but also shelter and sustenance. Your home became a sanctuary during the moments when I bounced between my residence in Pinehurst and school in Charlotte. You were a safe haven, and your absence will truly be felt.
Last but certainly not least, my love! The most challenging "see you later" transpired over the phone on 10/28, as tears welled up while expressing how much I love you and how greatly I will miss our everyday moments together. While we've chosen to embrace the challenge of a long-distance relationship, I am profoundly grateful, though it doesn't alleviate the difficulty of being apart. Your patience, kindness, and understanding during this transition mean the world to me. Allow me to conclude this part by sharing this with you: I found myself challenged by a sermon in Genesis 22. Whether I placed you on a pedestal with unreachable goals or expectations, I apologize because we are imperfect, and you are not God. I am certain that you are a good man of character and integrity, trustworthy and respectable. You exemplify selflessness and love in many tangible ways. You are missed already!
The decision to Move:
Not many may be aware, but I spent three years as a college student majoring in Exercise Science—a field I truly enjoyed and still hold dear. However, my journey as a college student unfolded with revelations that urged me to embrace true femininity and my identity within Christ. In my freshman year, my life was a mix of passion for soccer, intense training sessions, partying, academic struggles, and a cycle of professors letting me off the hook, followed by more training and partying. Amidst all this, I was grappling with hidden mental issues, and my faith was spiraling out of control, feeling as though my life was slipping through my fingers.
As the world around me rapidly changed, I decided to pull my head out of the clouds and put on my thinking cap. It became clear that I needed to reassess my priorities. I started exploring schools with reputable Soccer and Exercise Science programs, realizing that I had let soccer overshadow the most crucial aspect of my life—my education. Moreover, the impact of COVID threw many plans into disarray. Scholarship funds were scarce, no spots on top-tier teams were available, and those with openings had exorbitant tuition fees.
This realization led me to tour UNCC, where I fell in love. Deep down, I had always desired to experience life as a city girl, even for just a few years. The program at UNCC appeared to be an ideal fit, and the warmth and friendliness of the people sealed the deal.
I applied, and I got in! Just a few things needed to be done before moving up to Charlotte. One was to find a safe place to live that was also affordable, and the second thing I had to do was find a good, solid church per my father’s request. I scoured the internet and set up around four apartment tours, and I had a list of churches that I wanted to visit.
My dad and I packed the car with snacks and water and headed down to Charlotte to start checking off my list. The first few apartments were not super appealing, and they were also a little sketchy. The last place we toured was Arcadia Student Living, and everything seemed to go perfectly there. After we signed with that complex, it was time to go church shopping.
Church:
As a child, I found myself church-hopping frequently. While it wasn't an enjoyable experience (and I do not recommend it), I am grateful for it because it revealed the priorities of churches in America. This prior exposure helped me discern what I sought in a church and what I needed from its congregation and its eldership. Unfortunately, church after church responded poorly to me, thus leaving me increasingly disheartened.
Contemporary churches often emphasize worldly things, and two main aspects that are my issue are race and production. I take issue with this focus because, frankly, is that what church is truly about? The answer is a resounding NO! The contemporary American church, as highlighted in the film 'American Gospel,' has its share of shortcomings that we need to address.
The churches I visited seemed fixated on my skin color and age, neglecting the fundamental Gospel-centered foundation that churches should prioritize. The Gospel should be the core, with the community emerging organically from that foundation.
My last visit was to Back Creek Presbyterian Church, and to be completely honest, I wasn't thrilled about attending what I perceived as an old, crusty, dusty church. However, praise be to God! That church became my spiritual home for the two and a half years I lived in Charlotte. I encountered and built relationships with incredible individuals, each with stories that would leave you astounded. These were people who understood their own unworthiness and recognized what it took to connect others with the hope of the Gospel.
Back Creek Presbyterian Church taught me that if you dig a little deeper, pray, and seek, the Lord will provide in His own way. It was a transformative time that emphasized the true essence of a church community rooted in the Gospel.
University:
Having successfully checked off the Church chapter in my life, I eagerly embarked on the next one – university. Settling into my apartment, armed with all the necessary materials, a meticulously chosen first-day outfit, a packed lunch, and a bookbag locked and loaded, I was ready to embrace the academic journey ahead.
As the initial excitement of new classes wore off, a realization set in – I wasn't as happy as I had anticipated. It became apparent early on that the path I was on might not align with my long-term goals. Instead of reaching out to someone for guidance, I made the decision to persevere and complete my degree.
However, this period at university took a toll on my mental health. A significant relationship of mine ended, and I struggled to find genuine connections with peers who shared my aspirations.
It was a challenging time for me.
In pursuit of comfort and connection, I reached out to a familiar friend, finding peace in our renewed companionship. As my academic journey unfolded, the University's true colors started to emerge with each passing day. The issues of vaccines, protests, one-sided teaching, and the LGBTQ+ community, etc., loomed large, impacting the university environment significantly.
Despite the weariness that came with academic pursuits, I found a parallel growth in my spiritual life and a more defined sense of what I might call my "purpose." Faced with this evolving perspective, I made the conscious decision to deviate from my initial plan of simply attaining a "degree."
At the beginning of my senior year of college, I made a significant decision to change my degree to English Creative Writing. This choice brought me great joy, and to this day, I remain thrilled with the path I've chosen. While many might view this shift as unconventional, those who know me understand that it aligns far better with who I am.
Here's why:
From a young age, I had a deep passion for writing. I would linger in bookstores, envisioning my future library, and my parents fueled this passion by providing me with my own reading chair, books, a typewriter, and, of course, more books. Writing had always been a hobby for me, one I casually shared with my family. The idea of becoming a writer never crossed my mind; it was simply something I enjoyed. Now, I'm transforming this hobby into a career. My aspiration is to share, inspire, and connect people through the written word, a pursuit that will serve me well in building an intentional household when I eventually marry and have children. That will be another post for another time!
Despite my excitement, I hadn't fully prepared myself for the liberal arts education that awaited me after changing my major.
Friends hear me when I say that my generation and my fellow classmates are a group of individuals struggling and feeling lost. The professors in my classes push a specific agenda, creating an environment where young minds can explore seemingly hopeless lifestyles. The consequences are apparent – fostering hatred towards America, promoting resentment against specific races, adopting vulgar language and, the biggest of them all… victimhood, and reacting aggressively when confronted with dissenting viewpoints. The list goes on.
It's dismaying to witness the shaping of minds in this manner!
University (continued):
During these classes, I found myself confronted with literary works that I believe no one should be compelled to read, listen to, or purchase. The materials included: literary journals delving into LGBTQ lifestyles, complete with explicit and vivid descriptions of BDSM. One particularly challenging textbook I had to acquire was "The Anti-Racist Writing Workshop" by Felcia Rose Chavez. This book was chosen to aid in the "decolonization of classrooms" (whatever that means) and to guide writers in “learning, writing, and reading within an equitable, supportive, creative, and humanity-driven environment that seeks to replace traditional teaching techniques.”
These praises, as stated on the author's website, emphasize the goal of creating a space that challenges “white-centered, patriarchal teaching methods.” This kind of thinking is an absolute punch in the gut. I immediately called my mom (who is not white), and she was disappointed. I began to wonder if I was ever going to learn how to write, edit, revise, and publish.
However, one of the most perplexing and disheartening experiences was encountering a classmate who identified as a furry. This individual, intricately crafted in their mother's womb with every detail accounted for because of our creator, chose to relinquish their humanity and adopt a cat identity. Dressed in cat ears, mittens, and even a leash and collar, they embodied this non-human persona within the class setting.
Where is the HOPE, people?
I dedicated considerable time to reading, annotating, and reviewing my classmates' work. Despite being surrounded by creative individuals, I often found that none of the pieces truly captivated me or ignited a profound desire to live each moment with purpose. Many of these works appeared self-centered, solely focused on serving individual interests, lacking any intention of delivering a meaningful message. To be frank, much of the material I encountered left me feeling quite sad..
One day, while riding in the car with my significant other on our way to lunch, I found myself sharing my frustrations about critiquing a classmate's poem, and unexpectedly, tears started to flow. It became clear to me that I couldn't continue down this path, investing my time and money without gaining the valuable skills I sought. My partner, in response, urged me to reach out to my parents and share my struggles. Taking his advice, I called my parents, laying out everything on the table. Together, we devised a solution that left me feeling encouraged.
I applied to Liberty University Online and was accepted. All that remained was finishing the fall semester, transferring credits, and ending my apartment lease. Soon, I would be back home, pursuing a path that brought me joy. To any parents reading this, I strongly advise thoroughly examining the program descriptions for your children's chosen fields of study. The degree completion plan at Liberty differed significantly from UNC Charlotte, something I wish I had known earlier and suffered the consequences for. It's essential to find a balanced approach with your children, ensuring they understand the value of time, money, and priorities.
Jesus at the center of it all!
We can glorify God in any endeavor—whether as a homemaker, doctor, lawyer, plumber, or even just a seemingly ordinary writer.
University Apartment: (Change of major and apartment in the same timeframe)
Living in a student-oriented apartment complex had its perks, particularly the assurance that I wouldn't be responsible for a roommate's rent if they suddenly left. The first two years were fantastic—the office staff was friendly, the maintenance crew promptly handled requests, and my roommates were great.
As my original roommates graduated and pursued their careers, and with one more year left for me, I decided to move into a two-bedroom floorplan due to my OCD concerns about potential messy roommates. I stayed in the same complex, settling into my new two-bedroom apartment, eagerly anticipating the arrival of my new roommate. However, she never showed up, and I ended up living alone for three months. Considering my impending departure, I decided to put my apartment up for a lease takeover. In the last month of my residence there, there were a few interested individuals. I received an email from the management team informing me that I would be getting a new roommate in a week. On October 19th, the spare room was finally occupied. And I still had no one to take over my lease for the Spring!
Upon introducing myself to my new roommate, a 34-year-old online student at the local community college, we began to get to know a bit about one another. She had relocated from Florida to be closer to her boyfriend and was pursuing a business degree. Although she was nice, I soon noticed her boyfriend staying overnight every night.
Concerned about the situation, I contacted the front office, reporting not only the presence of a 42-year-old man in my apartment but also the use of illegal drugs. Unfortunately, the complex took no action against the disturbing odor or her overnight guest.
* Readers discretion advised *
On October 27th, I received a call from my sister informing me that she would be coming to visit, likely staying until the morning. We spent the evening enjoying dinner and working on decorations for my trunk or treat, a church event. Exhausted, we went to bed, only to be abruptly awakened around 7 A.M. on October 28th by the sounds of my roommate being beaten by her boyfriend. I apologize for writing this, but this is an important part of the story. And if it makes you queasy, imagine having to relive the sounds of her screams and cries, “Stop, you're hurting me,” and “Please, I beg of you, I will call the police,” even the sound of things breaking!!! Typing this right now gives me goosebumps, and my heart is pounding, and my soul aches.
In a moment of distress, my sister and I instinctively entered safety mode. She called our dad while I dialed 911.
Quick decisions led us to lock my door and hide behind the bed. After an agonizing 28-minute wait, the police finally arrived. Unfortunately, my roommate answered the door, and she informed them that no assistance was needed. The police left, leaving my sister and me alone in the apartment in a potentially dangerous situation. Urgently telling the police to come back and help, they returned after 10 minutes, allowing us to explain the situation outside.
Inside, the police spoke to my roommate and her boyfriend while my sister and I stayed outside. Legally, as he was her guest and she did not want him to leave, and with no evidence of abuse, they couldn't force him to leave or make an arrest. Patiently, the police waited while my sister and I packed up my decorations and essentials.
Dropped off at my significant other’s house to freshen up, my sister headed back to Pinehurst for work. My parents, en route with boxes and tape, met me at my apartment. Together, we packed up everything in just two hours. After my parents left, I attended the trunk-or-treat event at church. Despite the day's challenges, ending it with joyful kids and supportive friends was a blessing. After bidding farewell, I spent two hours on the road, returning to my home in Pinehurst.
Unpacked Bags in Pinehurst:
Writing to you now from my bedroom in Pinehurst, this post has taken its time to materialize. I carried a heavy burden, feeling burnt out, and needed a pause to come to terms with recent events.
A poignant reminder:
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)
This scripture underscores that my plans are not always aligned with God's plans. The desire for things to unfold in a particular way doesn't guarantee their realization. Reflecting on the “twists and turns” of the past few years, I couldn't explain every hardship, but I am grateful for the journey. It's a testament to where true trust lies. God's ways are higher and filled with boundless grace.
It's remarkable how life unfolds in mysterious ways, often beyond our comprehension. The circumstances surrounding the lease situation, particularly the shocking and unfortunate events that transpired, underline the enigmatic nature of God's workings.
The day before the assault in my apartment, my dad and I had a conversation, attempting to find a solution to the lease takeover challenge as my semester was drawing to a close. In a curious turn of events, he reached out to the management team, inquiring about the process of breaking the lease if I couldn't secure a replacement tenant. Their response outlined only two legal avenues for breaking the lease:
Deployment by the military (a highly unlikely scenario)
An assault occurring in my apartment
While no one would wish harm upon another, it's a testament to the mysterious ways in which God works that the very condition outlined by the management team unfolded, leading to a resolution in the lease situation. It underscores the profound truth that God's plans often surpass our understanding, working in ways we could never have anticipated.
As I finished up my semester, a dear friend extended her generosity by offering me a place to stay during the weeks I had classes. I got to spend a lot of time bouncing between Pinehurst and Charlotte. Beyond providing a roof over my head, she ensured I was well-fed, offering comfort and support during a challenging time. With a limited window of opportunity, I gathered with some friends to share the situation and my plans for the future after my time in Charlotte came to an end.
Remain in Him:
Friends, I trust that this letter has offered a glimpse into my humble life, providing insight into the world we navigate. My hope is that it serves as an eye-opener to the realities we face and, more importantly, as an encouragement that it’s never too late to learn and understand his sovereignty and love for us!
Psalm 19:
1 The heavens declare the glory of God,
and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.
2 Day to day pours out speech,
and night to night reveals knowledge.
3 There is no speech, nor are there words,
whose voice is not heard.
4 Their voice goes out through all the earth,
and their words to the end of the world.
In them he has set a tent for the sun,
5 which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber,
and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy.
6 Its rising is from the end of the heavens,
and its circuit to the end of them,
and there is nothing hidden from its heat.7 The law of the Lord is perfect,
reviving the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure,
making wise the simple;
8 the precepts of the Lord are right,
rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the Lord is pure,
enlightening the eyes;
9 the fear of the Lord is clean,
enduring forever;
the rules of the Lord are true,
and righteous altogether.
10 More to be desired are they than gold,
even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey
and drippings of the honeycomb.
11 Moreover, by them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.12 Who can discern his errors?
Declare me innocent from hidden faults.
13 Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins;
let them not have dominion over me!
Then I shall be blameless,
and innocent of great transgression.14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
Psalm 19, written by David, opens by marveling at the heavens and the sky, serving as tangible proofs of God's creative mastery. The first verse employs Hebrew terms found in the initial verses of Genesis. The very existence, intricate structure, and minute details observed in nature resound, clearly declaring the reality of a Creator (Psalm 19:1).
David says God's revelation is there day and night. It's not just about how nature looks but how it works, showing God's incredible design. For example, the sun's journey across the sky, from rising to setting, brings warmth and light to every part of the Earth (Psalm 19:2–6).
God's presence is not only seen in nature but also in the inspired words of Scripture. The Bible is described as flawless, reliable, just, pure, clean, and true. It has a profound impact, renewing the soul, imparting wisdom, bringing joy, providing enlightenment, and lasting forever. This poetic depiction, reminiscent of Proverbs, highlights the immense value of God's Word—more precious than gold and sweeter than honey. The psalm uses a rhythmic and repetitive structure, conveying the idea that God's servant finds both warning and great reward in His written revelation (Psalm 19:7–11).
David ends the Psalm with a prayer, asking God for deliverance from arrogant sins and seeking acceptance for his words and thoughts. He addresses God as Lord, rock, and redeemer. This final verse has been a model for prayer and songs of praise in Christian history (Psalm 19:12–14).
Remain in him. These aren't just parting words but a nudge to keep your life steady. So, whether you're admiring the world's beauty or pondering timeless truths, remember to Remain in Him. Let these words echo in your life as a simple yet powerful reminder—an invitation to ground yourself in the unchanging truths of our Creator.
Praise God, from whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heav'nly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
Amen.
With Love & Until Our Paths Cross Again,
Cait
